Thursday, October 27, 2005

Here a bit there bit

I am scattered right now and have to try and find the vodka under my desk so I can face my work. But damn if I can’t weave a story and some how get knitting in there! Oh yes I will, if you stay along for the ride. Currently I have no shreds of intellect left, I am editing a publication. To be exact, currently a chapter by a Nepalese "author" who should be bitchslapped by Shiva with all arms wound up, at once. I was initially entertained by the fact that in “creating tables” he applies the format “table” to his text and expects that the table MAGICALLY appears like… POUF. But that got old after the 8th table I had to construct. But it didn’t stop there. Serious boy needs to STEP AWAY FROM THE BULLET POINT NOW. Yes my friends if you are looking for me… the Nepalese have bullet pointed me to impaling myself on the dullest object on the face of the earth, repeatedly. Serious the Nepalese had 82 bullet points IN.A.ROW. Which for the record, tops the 47 numbered points the Bangladeshi thought were conclusions and the Vietnamese who needs to be introduced to the finer concepts of a paragraph... as in one sentence does not constitute a paragraph; even if you do it 12 times in a row on the same topic. MAKE THE ONE SENTENCE PARAGRAPHS STOP. Yes this is coming from me, an ardent lover of run on sentences (all bow down to the power of “stream of consciousness” writing) and in avoidance therapy over paragraphs... All this too, before we discuss the use of graphics and people who should not be allowed near a colouring book. My head is swimming, and I have to make this crap presentable as the publication will be for sale externally (and this must be done before I change posts). Oh yeah and this publication... it is 481 pages. I officially am DSM III Tourettes diagnosed. My ass is twitching and I have been caught shouting in the outside voice- DIE BULLETMAN DIE Where the fuck is my cabana boy and that margarita/bottle of tequila? I have a date with that worm! :) Another entertaining thing at work since I took the other post, you too may hold this against me. According to the admin officer for my division, because I didn’t know how to read her mind and follow up on work that not the person before me but the person before her did. That earthquake in Pakistan/Kashmir? My fault! I did not get a paper she did not ask for to her in time therefore Katrina and Wilma were sent to their destructive paths- by me. The guilt it is kind of getting to me too, because the tsunami?? Yeah seems I caused that too. My divination rod didn’t give me the right priority set or deadlines. And so you know her work that she has for me to do that takes 2 weeks (as I have to do her job and mine) didn’t get done in 3 days... go figure. Let's all swim!!!! Swim Timmy Swimmmmmmm All this begs the question of what can I do? Well I can do this thing with my thumb, I can do the splits, I can curse in 8 languages and I have a sincere aptitude for causing natural disasters. Oh yeah and since I can't beat the living shit out of these people I am editing or the admin officer... I am knitting with the big sticks instead of carrying them. See I told you people I would get to the knitting sooner or later cause I am doing it. I know you are astounded and shocked beyond words! This was once a knitblog, not just my insane ranting and ravings… like a phoenix from the ashes the knitting arises. The ever so lovely Helen wanted a sweater, and with the shit she has been going through recently, she DESERVES one. I like knitting for other people, especially generous, funny, witty, gorgeous and brilliant people like Helen. There is no one else better to have a date to dance in hell by the Margarita machine with. I promise. So after much prodding she finally took me up on my offer (you pick the pattern and get the yarn and I will turn it back around to you as a sweater- that I can make appear MAGICALLY like POUF). She went and got herself the yarn and the pattern and thank god the needles. I picked it up from her while visiting London. And promptly compressed it into the suitcase, for the trip back to France, where upon arrival I started knitting. This means I am currently putting all other projects on quasi hold (that includes getting the London and Clapotis posts up and done and attaching in photos, not to mention my well over due laundry tip and other cleaning things that ought be done) to get Beth from Rowan Ribbon Twist done and out to her. It is pretty simple and mindless knitting. It is almost all in stockinette (see Margene it is about the Zen :) It goes pretty fast, though this knitting on big needles doesn’t go as fast as I expected being that we are at a stitch and row gauge of almost 1 st per cm. Seems knitting with rollerpins isn’t exactly as easy to corral as knitting with pencils. The “stick a pointy stick in the crotch alla pit knitting” style seems to be the most efficace for those curious minds that have gone towards the gutter. I have however finished the sleeves (no visit to an island when a sleeve is done in a late night session) and am about one night away from the back being done. All this with minimal knitting time. I don’t think I will ever be a big gauge knitter for my average project. That said… this isn’t too bad :) I could see one such project every so often for myself. If Fall didn’t already have a lineup and we weren’t already staring down the rifle barrel at November I would probably make Roxie. I really liked Jen’s. But after Beth is done the next state of affairs deal is to get the rest of the goods “finished up”. “FOs” like Fern, Pretty Wrappy Top (I have the yarn now, collar here I come :), a pair of Natalya gauntlets I started last year, “Kitchener” closed some socks, wrap up a scarf, and… and… and we’ll talk once I have gotten there.

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