Monday, April 11, 2005

And So Shall It Be Noted. And So Shall My Ass Expand

For all who care to pay attention feel free to take notice that I am in serious need of forking out the dosh and joining the fitness club out here by work. I so wanted to save for an Ipod… you know so I could grove and move at the same time. But I need my smokin ass to fit in the pants and skirts I got too. What is a girl to do? It turns out as a form of thanks (one in which I am hesitant to discourage) my coworkers whose travel I arrange and approve on occasion are taken to bringing me gifts. At first I just thought it was importation on request- you going to the UK?? BRING ME CRANBERRY JUICE. But in reality it is a form of bribes. For when, you know they come at the last second and say hey I have this publication I need you to work on for me and I have to have it through the publication system by close of business; Today. Only it is a 300MB document (which is HUGE hell it is bigger than my ass and that is an accomplishment). Yes, Coworker brought to us by the letter P: I-love-you. You are so lucky that you are 1. cute and 2. smart (or drunk, not quite sure) enough to buy me liquor when we go out. The rules of the game are simple- bribe me and then we talk. This is the corruption of an international organization. They may no longer take care of their own (don’t ask it involves the nasty word Visa) but they do respond to bribes. Unfortunately for my Ass many of our short distance travel trips take place in either Brussels or Switzerland. So this morning I woke up dragged said Ass to the office, only to be surprised by two ever so lovely gifts from the two colleagues I recently sent to Geneva. One got me a cow bell- Mooooooooooooooooooooooo. No I am not joking, nor am I eating grass today. Though thinking of that maybe I should look into eating green things... then again who wants their ass to resemble a cow's... yeah, fuck that idea. The other got me Lindt chocolates (thankfully not a box of their amarettini pralines; Dear Dog are those divine!). And since I send people that way on average once every week, my ass is going to expand EXPONENTIALLY in the foreseeable future. I share the inferior candy and ring the bell for all to graze but quality chocolate?? That is all mine bitch! Think I could convince them to come back with yarn? That would take some pressure off my ass I guess.

2 Comments:

Blogger Moze said...

Since your coworkers are already trained to bribe, you just have to refine the system--better service for better bribes. At least that will get you the quality chocolate. As for the yarns, I don't suppose anyone would actually *ask* what you want brought back? If so, ask for yarn and then be so nice to them that all the other coworkers buy the clue. (But if anyone brings back acrylic, wipe their files out completely.)

1:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh I think YOU! can fix it so they know! to bring you the yarn back and what kind. Ah ha, I think you are on the right track there - glad things are sounding good. Keep on having fun there. The knitting is back too! great! Terry in SF

1:51 PM  

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