Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Reason 85,469,783 Why Tink Should Not Be In Power

Hi Y’all I gots a French government email now!!!!! I have a gouv.fr email everyone. Yeah umm I am digging that. The Ministère des Affaires of Etrangeness as one of my friends called it, has decided my half Yankee and half Latina derrière is good enough to campaign for Europe. And that is what I am doing! I might even get to travel some in France for it on the gouvernements dime. Even better, last Friday I was defeated and infuriated. The consulate man who I spoke with months ago had decided to be a bureaucratic flippant little asshat and switch his position. Instead of processing my visa by mail he wanted me to submit for an in-person (Atlanta) Consulate "interview." As you might guess I BLEW my gasket. He had previously said I didn’t have to- they ARE NOT REQUIRED, so plans were arranged on that premise. Also because I had this whole Etrangeness thing that I kinda needed a Visa for. But most of all because he went on to threaten me... but Miss you are in France illegally I am closing my eyes I could report you to the government (never mind the fact that I am not here illegally and told him that repeatedly). Yes I fear the French government, people I FEAR them. HAHAHAHA. I don’t do well with threats- don’t bluff either. My philosophy is do it or don’t. That kind of smack talk just doesn’t go over well Chez Tink. Well fast forward to Tuesday and I am the Ministère and explaining my story my bosses boss, who is very non-hierarchical (and now adores me). He introduces himself, my bosses assistant tells him I have an issue. Just AN issue people? Why you gotta be so stingy?? He asks and I run through the whole deal (he falls in love with me for my Yankee way of saying Atlanta- AT not AHHHT. Took him three times to get where I was talking about, oh the Olympics Coca Cola place. Yeah there) and I give him the whole deal. He says well you write it up and give me all the information and I will email about it, we should be able to fix this situation I think. I think I love him; yes that consulate twat is going to get an email from him who reports to M. Michel Barnier, directly :) And my inner voices commences in a VERY loud voice: That’s right, you want to play who is the bigger bitch, you better bring a bigger stick. Take that BITCH!!! HUP TO and process my Visa NOW *WHAP* That is right you're MY bitch. And that my friends is the reason I should not be in power, let alone diplomatie. Everyone becomes my bitch and I start swaggering around. In a pretty skirt. Reason 894756821 Tink Does Not Have A Credit Card In my delusions of having the financial wherewithall to live here and attempting to “treat” myself, I went to the Bon Marché. Yarn was on sale, how am I supposed to resist?? Good yarns too! So I splurged more than I should have but I am an aspiring Bad Ass Knitter and well IT WAS ON SALE. I did show some restraint too. I can't say the same for the rest of the ladies there- the place was MOBBED. It turns out there was no Silk Garden 84, so I put that idea on hold and got Anny Blatt French angora in this gorgeous Monet Watercolors blend. I got it thinking Mittenettes, I now realize I was hopped up on finding Orange leaves during the walk over (they have special powers like brown mushrooms- who knew). I also got some Muget, not a good hand yarn but sparkly and when knit with something else it should be a great accent, though if it didn’t feel so plasticky it would be a great dense hat or the like. I went over to look at Phildar, I liked the Cashmere Wool they have (Capuchin is a great color) but even on sale it was too much for me to risk it (it was 4 euros for 25g). After which I went to my favorite Bon Marché Lady. Marie, Marie is awesome. I ADORE her, completely. She is sweet smart and helpful. I got the Noro Knits book. I am sure to make something from it at some point *cough* Butterfly *cough* And then I restrained myself as I almost got the Felted tweed to make Elfin. Instead I got the Kidsilk Classic to make Fern! I am obsessed with wrappy things! The yarn was only 40 euros! I like using only in there cause well 40 euros can go a long way... And then I left because if I didn’t I was going to fall into the deep dark abyss of overdraft charges. Even more startling though I got Kidsilk Classic in light pink! I am not a girly girl, I only recently began thinking skirts were ok. I spent all of my childhood, much to Mother’s chagrin being the best tomboy you could ask for. And my mother doing that whole it’s a girl she MUST want frilly PINK things for EVERYTHING... Let’s just say coming home from summer camp (10 years of age) to find my room painted pink, my curtains dyed pink, a mauve ceiling fan installed and pink canopy bed linens- all without consulting me, I decided pink was NOT my color. I was however stuck with that room in it's status for 8 years. However, as a kink of fate, I actually look good in pink, it would go with a fair amount of my clothes too. And I find Pink to be an ironic color... so we are attempting to break down the bias and incorporate it back into my life with moderation (not a topic my mother is familiar with). I had thought about red or orange, but Marie didn’t have any of those options and well I got the Pink saying don’t start the project and you can blog a poll on it. But really I don’t think I am going to take a poll. I think that the pink will do me good and I am going to stick with it. If I don’t like it I'll go get the divine Pumpkin orange cashmerino aran I saw and wanted to abscond with. I also switched out a ball of baby cashmerino in Pink (didn’t touch it for Daydream) and got a pretty eggplant replacement. But that brings me to my problem. I decided to pretend like I have a stash. I even took pictures. I have learned two things from this experience. One- I have LOTS of single balls of a yarn. What the hell does one do with one ball?? You call them a melange stash (it sounds more chic). And then I realized lots of them were in hand wound balls. Way back before I knew anything about knitting but my mother visiting went to the store with me, she shifted like she would buy a winder and a swift for me. I hadn’t a clue what they were so I just shrugged my shoulders and she bought alpaca yarn (that is in my storage unit) instead. Now I am wishing I had that winder, I like pretty wound balls (that sounds dirty, who am I kidding I am dirty). Anyways my stash it all fits in one of the small Bon Marché bags and once the last bits of Cecila and the Kidsilk are out of it well it’s a bag of remnants, but it's my stash and there it is. Now as a result of a freezing computer and my inability to read (my dissertation deadlines- NOT when I thought they were; panic, Panic, PANIC) I have much less time than expected. Hence the blog sans pictures (can't resize them and can't upload em either, but hopefully next week). I am getting there but burning the candle at both ends in the mean time. Needless to say I am not knitting this week. After I make it through this week the foulness should go down a notch and I should be able to breathe. And thanks to Adele (who is so kind as to scan the English version of pretty wrappy top- which it sounds like the translations are a bit humorous) I am hoping to have a hack at this green pile of yarn, its a long weekend (that whole daylight savings time bullshit and a French holiday) so I have no excuse. It is getting cold enough that I want to wear it too. I wouldn't mind freeing up the needles either. Nor starting Fern, which in all fairness should not be started until I can at least get all the pieces of pretty wrappy top done. So (in my best French Porky Pig voice, seriously the dubbing on that is HILARIOUS) Th-th-th-that’s all Folks!

5 Comments:

Blogger claudia said...

Yo. I like your style. Just say NO to smack talk!

9:36 PM  
Blogger Stinkerbell said...

I don't know if that is Ms. Claudia herself of the Butterfly celebrity and fameness (yeah I make up words and I have a Napoleon complex- I am in the right country for it! :)I am going to have to put some other kind of comments up on this sucker. I like the instant ping but I havent a clue who anyone is unless they put their information in for me.

Anyways... glad you like my style! I try to keep it on the funny side of abrasive and caustic. I don't take no smack talk and I call Monsiuer at the consulate a smacked ass too!

9:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

great stash pick ups. i have that yarn for fern too. and can't wait to see wrappy top. i may have to knit that you. you are responsible for these wrappy wants.
froggyknits.com

10:07 AM  
Blogger Adele said...

Hey,

I've been trying to send you the translations but they keep bouncing back to me! :( I just sent them as two separate e-mails so hopefully they'll get through this time. Hope you get them!

Adele

12:44 PM  
Blogger jon said...

After we paid for our kids summer football camp we found it tough to recover! I totally agree with you!

7:08 AM  

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